Fabulous queer dating tip #4: Don't take "No," or even "Absolutely not," for an answer.

If you want him, then by definition, he wants you, too. If he didn't, he wouldn't be standing in the same bar/walking down the same side of the street/living in the same county, now, would he be? If he takes out a restraining order or even greets you at his front door with a shotgun, he's just playing hard to get.

LGBT anti-rationalism

Probably the most frustrating thing about discussing issues with other LGBT people is being hit with a tidal wave of logical fallacies, New-Age woo-woo, politically correct "because I said so," and just plain emotional outbursts. I know that anti-rationalism permeates American culture, but we seem to be particularly prone.

One possible reason, I suppose, is that so many of us tie our self-identification to issues of gender and sexuality. It follows that we tend to cast our lot with the Dionysian rather than the Apollonian.

Still, I have to question the wisdom of our doing so. First, if we want to figure out where we want to be and how to get there, we cannot afford the luxury of trusting only our own emotions. Second, in terms of appealing to emotions, we cannot begin to compete with our enemies; in particular, religion has a head start of millennia. Finally, since reason supports LGBT liberty and equality, does it make sense to abandon such a potent weapon?

Fabulous queer dating tip #3: Look for love in all the wrong places.

If you're looking to find someone who will want to live the rest of his life with you and a Labrador retriever in Chantilly, try to find him at the bathhouse. If you're just looking for an evening of pouncing, try an LGBT church or political organization. Go to a leather bar and be horrified when you meet people into leather, or go to a twink dance club and be aghast when you don't. If none of those works, check out the guys in a straighter-than-straight environment.

MILMOT: Make it like my old town

Today's Washington Post has yet another article on people who move to the party neighborhood and complain about the noise. We've also seen articles about people who move to rural neighborhoods and complain about the smell of fertilizer.

Here are two thoughts. If you don't like a particular environment, don't move there. If the ways of your present home town are so perfect, stay put.

Fabulous queer dating tip #2: Seek to attain only what is unattainable.

We all know about the sixtysomething troll who is holding out for a barely legal Adonis, but it doesn't stop there. If the intellect fairy skipped your parents' house, chase after someone with several advanced degrees in a discipline whose name you can't even pronounce. If you are online, message people in every continent but your own. Answer personal ads full of abbreviations that you don't even understand. Chase guys who have made it clear that they're not even available for dating. If you're a twink, chase after someone with a stated preference for bears, and vice versa. If you're vanilla, go for someone kinky; after all, you'll be able to convert him, right? Demand perfection, and make scathing remarks about people with the same deficiencies that you have. Bottom line: If someone offers you an insurmountable challenge, just say yes.

Fabulous queer dating tip #1: Be the change you desperately wish to avoid seeing in the world.

For those who are trying to find Mr. Right (regardless of whether his last name is Now), here is a helpful exercise. Think about the characteristics that you wish to see in your dream man, and make a list of those characteristics. Does your list include entries like "emotionally dependent," "drama queen," "high maintenance," "self-absorbed," "control freak," and "stalker"? No? What a huge surprise. Even so, be sure to cultivate such characteristics in yourself.

The same applies to physical appearance. Everyone agrees that everyone else is lethally unattractive with an obvious comb-over, a shaved chest, the regulation twink-bar goatee, and the regulation twink-bar tats, but that shouldn't stop you from having them.

Against bigoted religious people, fight fire with fire.

Many of the standard arguments against giving us the "special privilege" of equality rely on religion. Bigots claiming religion as a justification (or a pretext) love to quote-mine their holy books to condemn us. We really need to grow a backbone and fight fire with fire.

I will draw examples from Christianity, but, of course, the same basic principle applies with regard to other religions. When women pastors rebuke us, we should point out what the Epistles say about the role of women in the church. When African-Americans denounce us, we should remind them of what the Old and New Testaments say about slavery.

When they say that those parts of the Bible need to be "interpreted correctly" or "were meant for the church back then," we should demand to know why they get to use that argument, but we do not. Actually, I have asked that question in several fora, and the only response that I have received is that all-purpose scathing rebuttal known as pretending not to have heard.