Hypersensitive whiners, don't read this.

You personally suck. Your religious and political views are based on arrogance and narcissism, and only a brain-damaged five-year-old could possibly agree with you. Everything that you enjoy sexually is an abomination unto the Invisible Pink Unicorn and makes you the moral equivalent of people who molest dead puppies (but not, of course, of whatever oppressed minority I happen to like).

I get to say all of the above to you; it's just my freedom of speech. But if you ever dare to say anything imperfectly adulatory of me, I will scream, "Persecution!" and then curl up into a little ball of self-pity.