All I need to know about life, I learned from the media.

• In 2154, it will be 2009.
• Rationalists are ultimately proved wrong. Believers in woo are ultimately proved right.
• Christianity is Catholicism.
• ...except insofar as Christianity is backwoods, snake-handling, beyond-Westboro Protestantism.
• But that doesn't matter, since there are no significant theological differences among Catholicism, the various Protestant denominations, and even Mormonism.
  
• Eastern Orthodoxy? What's that?
• Jews are all Ashkenazim, and their religion is Yiddishkeit rather than Judaism.
• Adherents of all religions except Judaism and Christianity wear really cool turbans and speak in new-age babble.
• Whenever something important happens in the United States, it happens in New York.
• ...which is rather odd, since the entire country is California.
• If a city has a defining landmark, like the Eiffel Tower or the Washington Monument, everyone's balcony or front porch will have a smashing view of that landmark.
• Maryland consists only of Baltimore.
• ...unless we're talking about the need to cut the budget, in which case Baltimore doesn't exist.
  
• The person who saves the day will be an "other" (e.g., female, of color, or disabled).
• If it is a white man, he will be an average slob among rich people or geniuses.
• If a group of persons save the day, that group will observe a ticket-punching version of diversity.
• Still, the person or persons who save the day are heterosexual and really hot.
• Villains are all white and work for a huge, evil corporation.
• Unlike heroes, villains are diverse in terms of sexual orientation and degree of hotness.
• When two white men go head to head, the less intelligent or less rich one will win.
• If a visitor from Mars observed our culture, that visitor would reach conclusions that all agree with the author's prejudices.
• A line of the Baltimore Metro subway Washington Metrorail serves both Georgetown and the Old Post Office Pavilion.
• In shows about lesbians, all lesbians are Quinn Morgendorffer.
• In shows about gay men, all gay men are Quinn Morgendorffer.
• In shows not specifically about gay men, all gay men are cross-dressing chicken hawks.
• Men are allowed out only every three days. When a man goes back into seclusion, he immediately shaves. That is why all men whom you see have three-day beards.
• With one or two narrowly drawn exceptions, the government is always right.
• The military and the government are distinct. How that works is something that you will have to figure out for yourself.
• All sheriffs speak with Southern accents, even in states like Wisconsin.
• People of good will who have the facts invariably agree with the author on everything.
• All high-school students are in their early thirties.
• Their parents are in their late thirties.
• You can always find a parking space right in front of the downtown building where you need to be.
  
• In 2267, it will be 1967.