I. Choose a subject.
Throw the die and choose one of the following six subjects:
- "Not Everyone Is Physically Attracted to Me, and That's Unfair."
- "Democratic Politicians Are God's Angels on the Earth."
- "My Identity Group Is the Most Virtuous, yet Most Persecuted in the History of Ever."
- "Lesbians Can Do No Wrong; Gay Men Can Do No Right."
- "Bigger Government Is a Panacea."
- "My Freedom Matters; Yours Is Stupid and Pointless."
Throw the die again and choose one of the following six information sources:
- A data set taken under such questionable circumstances that it is worthless
- A data set cherry-picked to support your desired conclusion
- One anecdotal example
- Unfounded speculation
- Your own amazing powers of clairvoyance and mind-reading
- Something that's been reverberating in the echo chamber for so long that it just has to be true
A good journalist provides quotes, so throw the die again and choose the person whom you'll quote:
- Someone who has no special expertise in the subject but who can be counted on to agree with you
- Someone who has no special expertise in the subject but to whom you owe a favor
- Someone who fancies her/himself to have special expertise in the subject but who gets it wrong
- A politician who cannot do anything about the issue
- A politician who is now taking a position directly contrary to her or his record
- A random person on Twitter
That politically correct happy talk about anti-capitalism is all very nice, but the bills won't pay themselves, so throw the die again and choose a product or service to
- A bar, restaurant, or other nightlife spot
- A counseling service
- An item of popular culture
- An item of geek culture
- A car
- A wedding service
Now write that opinion piece and become famous. Caveat: Under no circumstances should you express an original thought.