Monday, August 12, 2013

Some rules of life

Reality is negotiable. Dogma isn’t.

Never underestimate the power of doublethink.

The meta-rule: The rules are written, interpreted, and enforced in such a way that whatever you do or say is wrong.

The rule of political and economic terms: Any political or economic term has one of only two possible meanings, which are “whatever I like” and “whatever I don’t like.”

The first rule of religion: The Word of God, when correctly interpreted, always agrees with whatever the person interpreting it wanted to believe anyway.

Corollary to the first rule of religion: All of those thou-shalt-nots are for other people.

The second rule of religion: Believers are saved by the blood of Jesus, or their deity of choice, from ever having the burden of proof.

The third rule of religion: When someone asks rhetorically, “Doesn’t the Bible say…?”, the answer is almost always no.

Queen Carlotta’s Law: In certain belief systems, Queen Carlotta has proclaimed every day as backwards day.

Corollary to Poe’s Law: Some belief systems are so far removed from reality that no matter how carefully you represent what they actually teach, someone will accuse you of setting up a straw man.

Corollary to Godwin’s Law: As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving slavery approaches 1.

There will never be Peak Derp. Nor will there ever be Peak Lie

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