Many gay men seem to take one of two extreme views of manhood. Some revere it to the point of making Tom of Finland their prophet. They often adopt what Alison Bechdel called "cosmeticized masculinity," which is ultimately self-defeating. Others want nothing to do with it, insisting on being boys forever. At least it is no longer the eighties, and the latter group do not for the most part call one another girls.
One would think that being a gay man had something to do with being a man and being sexually attracted to men. Yet saying so is a good way to be shouted down as a heretic. Ultimately, however, we cannot truly accept ourselves as gay men unless we accept ourselves as (i) gay and (ii) men.
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