I recently watched a show on gay men's attitudes toward masculinity, on which various people bemoaned the "fact" that gay men all go for masculine men to the exclusion of others. That hasn't been my experience. Since I came out, no one has told me to butch it up. Quite the opposite: People keep telling me that I am "not really gay," or words to that effect, and that I need to act more like a stereotypical twink.
Also, the next show was on bears, stating that the bear community started as a refuge from twink-oriented mainstream gay male culture. If we're all excluded from the mainstream, then who is in the mainstream?