Some certainties in life

• Death
• Taxes
• True believers who have never read their own holy book
• Apostates who have
• That guy who looks drop-dead butch until the first time he either walks or talks
• Tourists who think that traffic laws are only for locals
• Road closures in D.C. for any reason or no reason
• People who "know" your inner life better than you do
• An item that goes on sale right after you buy it
• A special that applies to everything except what you want to buy