Friday, February 7, 2014

The politically correct gay purity test

1. What does diversity mean to you?

A. Associating with people having differing outlooks, so that we can all learn from one another. (0)

B. Bringing people of differing backgrounds into the company so that we can better relate to our customers. (2)

C. Bringing people of differing backgrounds into the company so we can look good in our annual report. (4)

D. A matter of social justice. (6)

E. Bringing together a group of people of different races, ethnicities, sexes, socioeconomic levels, and geographical backgrounds, all of whom think exactly alike. (10)

2. Why do you believe what you believe about religion?

A. I carefully studied the teachings of the faith or faiths in which I was interested to determine whether they made sense both internally and in light of the evidence. (0)

B. I believe whatever I was brought up to believe. (2)

C. I am a militant atheist because I want to stick it to this majority Christian society. (4)

D. I believe whatever I was brought up to believe, except for the parts that don’t agree with modern liberal sensibility, since those parts cannot possibly represent what God actually meant to say. (6)

E. I am a devout member of the religion with which I identify. I don’t follow most of its teachings and have only a hazy recollection from Sunday school (or its equivalent) of what they even are, but I am still a devout member because I choose to identify as such, and you have no right to say otherwise. As for the content of what I believe, whatever I feel in my heart is the surest expression of what God actually meant to say. (10)

3. What is your political persuasion?

A. Pro-choice on everything. (0)

B. I am a Log Cabin or GOProud Republican. (2)

C. I am a moderate Democrat. (4)

D. I am a progressive. (6)

E. Bigger government is per se better government, except on abortion and, when a Republican is president, on national defense and foreign policy. (10)

4. Do you support equal freedom for transgendered people?

A. Yes, because people should be free to make choices over their own bodies. (0)

B. No, because trans is icky. (2)

C. Yes, because the religious right opposes it and because all right-thinking people know that transphobia is based on patriarchy and misogyny. (4)

D. No, because radical feminists oppose it and because all right-thinking people know that the entire transgender movement is based on patriarchy and misogyny. (4)

E. Both C and D, because Capital-T Truth is based not on what is said but on who is saying it. (10)

5. Julie says that since one gay man was once mean to her, all gay men are mean. Tim says that she shouldn’t generalize to all gay men from one person. How do we know that Tim is wrong?

A. Actually, Tim has a point. (0)

B. Tim is wrong because he is a man. (3)

C. Tim is wrong because he is thinking logically, when we all know that only the right people's emotions count. (3)

D. Tim is wrong because there are no individuals, only identity categories. (3)

E. All of B through D. (10)

6. With which Animal Farm character or characters do you most identify?

A. Benjamin the donkey (0)

B. Moses the raven (2)

C. Napoleon the pig (4)

D. The sheep (6)

E. Both C and D. (10)

7. With which Atlas Shrugged character do you most identify?

A. John Galt (0)

B. James Taggart (6)

C. Lillian Rearden (6)

D. Wesley Mouch (8)

E. I refuse to read that book, lest I poison my mind with wrong thought, but I still reserve the right to form an opinion about it, based on nth-hand accounts and pure speculation. (10)

8. How do you react when an acquaintance expresses a viewpoint with which you disagree?

A. It depends on how well that person supports that viewpoint with evidence and logic. (0)

B. It depends on whether that person is in a position to do me any favors. (2)

C. I denounce that person as a racist and a fascist without considering whether doing so makes any sense. (4)

D. I respond with appeals to ridicule and outright lies. (4)

E. Both C and D. (10)

9. A celebrity or business leader says something homophobic, but in a way that will make no difference in your life. How should our community leaders and allies react?

A. They shouldn’t. Haven’t you heard that you shouldn’t interrupt your enemy while he is destroying himself? (0)

B. They shouldn’t. They have much higher priorities, and we have neither the right nor the obligation to be the moral guardians of the whole world. (2)

C. They should find a channel through which to express an opposing view. (4)

D. They should take every possible opportunity to tell the world what a bad person that person is. (8)

E. They should do everything possible to punish that person. It won’t do any good, but at least they’ll be able to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by changing the public perception of that person from a bigoted jerk to a martyr for freedom of speech. (10)

10. What is your view of the First Amendment?

A. The rights set forth in the First Amendment are an essential part of freedom. (0)

B. The First Amendment, like the rest of the Constitution, is not a suicide pact. (4)

C. It should take a back set to anti-discrimination laws. (6)

D. It should take a back seat to both anti-discrimination laws and hate-speech laws. My right not to be offended is more important. (8)

E. The rights set forth in the First Amendment are outdated, reactionary, and even racist, except when I want to take advantage of them, in which case they’re sacred. (10)

How to score: Add up the numerical values of all of your answers. If you got 100, you have passed the purity test. If you got 0 through 99, you have failed the purity test and are unclean.

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