A Valley Hills resident has founded an organization to campaign for traditional family values, Faux News has learned today.
Paul Martinac, a member of Gibeah Hill Baptist Church in Valley Hills, has founded the organization, Conservative Republicans Against Perversion, to advocate for what he sees as the Bible's timeless message of conservative morality. "Throughout the Old and New Testaments," said Martinac, "the Bible clearly and consistently teaches that marriage is between one man and one woman and that life begins at conception. Since the Bible also says that secular governments should follow God's Law, we must return secular law to these fundamental values."
When asked about some Christans' belief in social justice, Martinac scoffed. "If God wanted us to be liberal do-gooders and give to charity," he retorted, "why do you think whoever gave the Sermon on the Mount said, 'God helps those who help themselves'?"
However, some Valley Hills churchgoers were unimpressed. Georgina Rekers, who attends the Metropolitan Community Church of Christ the Community Organizer, said, "A big part of the reason why Mother/Father God sent the Christ was to preach the gospel of social justice. Why do you think that whoever gave the Beatitudes said, 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need'?"