Fabulous queer dating tip #13: Once you've found someone who is perfect in every way, try to change him.

If you manage to snag that man with several degrees in a discipline whose name you can't even pronounce, insist that he dumb it down. If your beau is a party vegetable, get him to spend his Saturday nights watching TV with you; if he's a homebody, drag him out to the white, green, fuchsia, and pin-striped parties. If he's vanilla, try to get him into kink; if he's kinky, read him the riot act about how horribly politically incorrect kink is.

This works only one way, of course. If he ever makes even the mildest suggestion, accuse him of trying to make you into something you're not.